


Of Memories Rather Left Forgotten

by Talvenhenki



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, just shamelessly causing some major emotional whump to lancey here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 23:10:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20235922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talvenhenki/pseuds/Talvenhenki
Summary: Lancelot remembers some of the worst days of his life. Gaius and Merlin try to offer some comfort.





	Of Memories Rather Left Forgotten

**Author's Note:**

> I had feelings about Lancelot and decided to write a shamelessly whumpy fic. There's a lot more hurt than comfort but it'll be alright for Lancelot eventually.

Gaius was organising his endless stacks of paper as someone knocked on his door. He wondered who it could be at such a late hour – Merlin didn’t bother to knock, and people rarely came to seek Gaius’ help after the night had fallen. Merlin himself was running an errand for prince Arthur.

As Gaius opened the door, he saw the man who had begun inhabiting his quarters almost as much as Merlin. Sir Lancelot, who had finally been made a real knight after all the time spent away from Camelot, was standing behind the threshold, looking rather distraught. He seemed to be trembling and there was a red tint to his eyes.

“Is something wrong?” Gaius asked quietly. He knew Lancelot to be a very private person who didn’t like to show negative emotions to many. “You should come inside; Merlin is running a little errand for Arthur but I’m sure he’ll be back soon. It’s him you’ve come to see, isn’t it?”

Lancelot nodded and swallowed. As he walked inside, Gaius noticed a faint smell of alcohol clinging to him, and Gaius wondered if Lancelot had been drinking with the other knights.

“I couldn’t stand being alone”, Lancelot whispered, “so can I stay here for some time? I’ll go when I feel like myself again.”

“Of course, you can stay here”, Gaius said, trying to smile encouragingly. He went back to his papers and said, “is it something you’d like to talk about? Oftentimes talking about one’s problems may be a relief.”

Lancelot shook his head and buried his face in his hands as he sat down. He wouldn’t speak at all as Gaius moved around, organising his endless papers and potions and whatever else he had on his little tables around the chamber.

Soon there was noise from the other side of Gaius’ door. Gaius smiled to himself, knowing that the source of the noise could only be Merlin; only he could move carelessly like a small typhoon in the corridors. And, true to Gaius’ thoughts, Merlin soon opened the door, humming to himself, only to stop completely when he saw Lancelot who had his head still buried in his hands.

“What’s going on?” Merlin asked. He rushed to Lancelot who had stood up in order to catch Merlin in a hug, it seemed. He was trembling worse now, as he leaned his head on Merlin’s shoulder. “Lancelot? Lancelot, what’s wrong? This is not like you; what’s going on?”

Gaius agreed with Merlin; it was not like Lancelot at all. If he ever felt anything negative, he tried to suppress it, not act out on it. Gaius had never seen Lancelot so distraught. He almost wanted to go to Lancelot and calm him down himself.

“I’m not sure what made me feel like this”, Lancelot whispered, his voice hoarse, “but I was in the tavern with the others and suddenly I remembered everything that happened to my village and my family and I had to get out of there. I just…I couldn’t stay alone so I came here.”

“Oh Lancelot”, Merlin breathed as he squeezed Lancelot’s shoulders a little tighter. Lancelot was leaning his whole weight on Merlin as his whole frame shook. His breaths were too quick, and they sounded very erratic. Together Gaius and Merlin guided him to sit down and managed to calm him enough to make him breathe normally again.

“What happened to your family?” Merlin asked softly. He was kneeling in front of Lancelot and massaging some warmth into his hands. “You never told us in detail. Do you think talking about it would help?”

Lancelot swallowed and for a moment it looked like he would be physically ill. He avoided Merlin’s eyes and wouldn’t speak at all for a moment.

“I was…I was very young when it happened”, Lancelot whispered, staring somewhere far away, “but I haven’t forgotten it. I was out in the fields when I heard screaming from the village. I knew something bad was about to happen, so I ran home to warn my family. When I got there, someone had already reached the house and was fighting my father. I saw the man killing him.”

Merlin inhaled sharply. Lancelot’s gaze was still somewhere far away, somewhere where Merlin couldn’t reach him.

“My sister Lydia found me”, Lancelot continued, “and hid inside the barn with me. We hid under the hay until nightfall and saw everyone die. When it was dark, we ran into the forest and didn’t stop until the next village. We just…we left everyone there and never went back. All my sisters and brothers…we didn’t even bury them.”

After that, Lancelot went completely quiet. His jaw was set, and he was breathing through his nose and wouldn’t look at neither Gaius nor Merlin. Merlin was still holding his hand, but the comforting motion of massaging had stopped several minutes before.

“Where is your sister now?” Gaius asked quietly, hoping to hear some happy ending to Lancelot’s tale.

“Gone”, Lancelot said and looked down. “She left me with a family we’d known before the attack and said she would travel here to plead for help for the outlying villages, but she never came back for me. I like to think she found love with someone and simply started a new life but that doesn’t sound like her.”

That was when Gaius remembered it all. The young girl had indeed come to Camelot and begged for help, telling the story of the raided village but Uther had granted no help to her village. In her rage the girl had used a spell to catch the king’s attention, which ended up being her fatal mistake.

Gaius had seen the poor girl be executed for a crime she had committed to make the king listen to her. The girl had wanted to help her little brother but had been executed for it. Gaius remembered treating the girl’s bruises and cuts on the night before her execution and listening to her broken pleas for help.

Gaius couldn’t bring himself to tell Lancelot what had truly happened to the poor girl. He simply couldn’t hurt him anymore.

“You should sleep”, Gaius told Lancelot and Merlin, “both of you. You can sleep in Merlin’s room; you’ve fit on the same bed before. I don’t think you should be alone tonight, Lancelot, not with how bad you seem to be feeling.”

Lancelot looked at Merlin who immediately hugged him again. Lancelot nodded slowly and Gaius hugged him briefly as well. He could only hope that Lancelot’s pain would go away one day.

“I’m sorry for remembering this just out of nowhere”, Lancelot whispered and laughed awkwardly. “I swear I was feeling just fine and all of a sudden I remembered all this. Kind of stupid, isn’t it?”

“It’s not stupid, Lancelot”, Merlin whispered and held Lancelot a little tighter, “bad feelings aren’t stupid. They’re just very difficult.”

Gaius could have sworn he saw the glistening of tears in Lancelot’s eyes. He hugged Merlin and Lancelot again and offhandedly wondered how Merlin had become so wise so suddenly.

He hoped that morning would bring peace to the distraught souls in the little chamber.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments warm my soul!!
> 
> Some notes:  
\- As always, I heavily headcanon Merlin as asexual and ship him and Lancey as either a romantic or platonic couple. It's not quite clear to me yet  
\- The story about Lancelot's sister is compatible with my In another universe series  
\- I should finally finish watching Merlin, whoops  
\- idk man it's too late to function in here so I'll just publish this and be done with it


End file.
